Guest post | Martin Gabriel – Bullying: is it a good thing?

The answer to this execrative question is, of course, no. However, let’s look on the other side of this subject. Before we start, I would like to thank you for taking your time reading a portion of my past and opinions about this important subject. Please accept my apologies if my writing seems to be less organized. This is the very first time I write an entry about my personal experiences. Even now memories and emotions run all around me as I formulate this long and enlightening story. In the next couple hundred words, I will share some statistics, personal experiences and personal opinions & advice dealing with bullying.

So what is bullying? It is the use of superior strength or influence or intimidation of someone to force them to do something. Did you know that lots of kids skip school because they are bullied and afraid? For example, according to a survey by Ditch the Label in the UK, 2017 of 10.000 kids aged between 12-20, over 30% of them had an impact of social anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts by being bullied. Around 20% of them had an impact of self-harm, class skip and 10% of them had the impact of anti-social behaviors, drugs, alcohol and running away from home. Of all these kids only 63% reported and 37% never told to anybody! These are serious numbers to deal with. There are physical, mental and cyber forms of bullying. Starting from hurting, intimidating someone to sharing fakes and lies over the internet…

I was a victim of numerous bullying when I was young. The specific reasons are unknown why I was treated in such bad ways by other kids. I can only speculate that since I was born I was generally a calm and introverted kid. I claimed empiricism in my own way. Being alone brought me joy and better focus for what I was doing and that may be one of the reasons why I was bullied. I felt like an outcast but it didn’t bother me.

About the incidents. My parents always carefully chose which school they put me in. It is not their fault that there were kids unable to control themselves, you can’t predict that.

In kindergarten, I got a front kick to my chest from one of the strongest kids for no reason. After I packed myself together I went to him crying and started to punch him like crazy and right at that moment, the kindergartner separated us and made justice of what happened. I always enjoyed the care and love of my teachers or kindergartners as I was a kid who couldn’t even hurt a fly. She was very angry with that kid, claiming from the injury I received that I could have died at that moment. The boy got transferred to another kindergarten shortly.

In elementary school, I was bullied by a gypsy boy. He was stronger and larger than me, kinda brutish. He pushed, punched and humiliated me in front of everyone, even there was an occasion when the teacher came in she saw my neck stuck between the boy’s legs squeezing as hard as he can. I never had the chance to retaliate. Fortunately, that guy was kicked out of school. Boys from higher classes only did mental warfare to youngsters mocking us weak and pathetic but that was easy to endure. That’s why you have two ears, one where shit goes in and the other where it goes out.

Near to my grandmother’s flat was a playground. I often saw gypsy guys fight with each other for fun. Not even the spill of blood made them stop. Nearby parents were always disturbed by the scenery those guys made and took us away instantly. I received threats and intimidations from other kids there, claiming they are not afraid of my “granny” and they will gouge out my eyes. They always felt tough in groups of course… I didn’t go back to play anymore…

I know some sad stories as well like how a boy (we weren’t close, I just knew him by a friend of mine), who had a promising musical career got continuously bullied because the instrument he played on. They broke him and he became the bad guy who turned to alcohol and drugs so hard that eventually led to his death. This happens when no one believes they have the power to save someone… sometimes a caring word or a hug is enough to release the pain and give strength…

This brings us now to the core of this subject I want to explain. Is bullying a good thing? No. Does being bullied give you something good? Yes, however, this answer depends on one’s perception. Bullied people either break mentally and will need medical help to solve the riddle of being a victim and accept it (ask for help!), or take it as a source of strength and fortify themselves both physically & mentally. There are a vast amount of emotions that bullied people go through, including me. Feelings like solitude, anger, hatred, rage, and fear. These are no doubt, very strong energies. You have to learn how to control them! I sound like a Sith Lord, I know…

There is a Hungarian saying: “Not even a mother can understand a mute kid’s words”. My parents were greatly surprised when I told them these stories not too long ago. I suppressed these emotions so deep no one was able to even suspect what I’ve been through. Still, I am here. I was hurt and threatened by gypsies and I don’t hate them, in fact, I know great people among them who lives a pure and determined life with exemplary behavior and knowledge and I can call them friends. There is no point to generalize, even if you suffered (and that’s the hard part…). I know gypsy, black, white, Asian, homosexual, lesbian people and I don’t have the slightest problem with them. We are all human! Constructed in the same skin, flesh, organs, and skeleton. Guess what, I bet they may (hope not) have more brutal and humiliating stories than I have. However, one thing that makes us even, we were bullied and we survived!

“What a nice red jacket! Let me tear it off, it’s too expensive to wear for such a poor girl like you! Hold her down!”

 

Let me share some of my key points that helped me recover from being bullied.

• First of all, speak. Speaking about your problems or pain is an act of courage. You accept and you are brave to ask for help. Pride is a good thing but not when you consciously block yourself letting out the truth. Never suppress your emotions or you’ll blow up! Based on the statistics, people who report being bullied to a family member or friend are 99% satisfied with the help they got!
• Secondly, activities. Find an activity that can channel and flow your energies. It will help you catch control. Play musical instruments, draw, write, read, sing, go running, play with your pet, have a workout or attend a self-defense or fighting class.
• Thirdly, acceptance. You are who you are. Accept yourself. Don’t give a damn of what people say. Of course, whatever manifests on you – unfortunately, as we all know the world is often unforgiving – it’s best not to provoke those around you. By this I mean it is very important to control the outcome, how your feelings and being a victim of bullying makes you express yourself. Accept that people who bully are much, much weaker than you!!! Later in life when they grow up and have a clear conscience, they will realize what they’ve done and will be ashamed of their past.
• Fourth, language. Words are a powerful bunch of asset in your hands. Use them wisely. Strive to learn more and more words to have a better storage to counter with.
• And the last one, confidence. Stand up for yourself. What I figured out is that “weakness is only the illusion of your mind”. Are you living for real or trick yourself into illusions? Know that you have a great potential, you just have to find it!

 

A short breakdown to these points…

• Speak. The most important thing I didn’t do in time… I was close blowing up when the suppressed emotions wanted to erupt but luckily I was able to manage. Don’t be afraid to speak! I revealed the truth not too long ago for my parents and it took them by a surprise. They were there to help but I didn’t use it. Don’t make this mistake!
• Activities. I love to play on guitar and piano. People say the music I play carries something special on how I play them. Drawing, I love to draw! If you are curious you can find some of my work on https://www.deviantart.com/angelgabryel! I used to write small poems to release the tension, unfortunately, all of them are lost. I love caressing my cats and dog. Being bullied made me learn how to defend myself. I’m trained in Kung Fu, Krav-maga and Muay Thai. These wonderful sports helped me to control my anger, learn serenity, discipline, and respect. Another great, and I say, great method I used is the HAKA. You meet up with your brothers, you do the unique Polynesian war dance together, scream in their tongue, shout and let those massive, ancient energies flow through you. It. Is. Epic! Making my energies flow through amplified the results of my time invested in these activities!

“It is better to be a warrior in a garden, than a gardener in war”

• Acceptance. As you grow up, you change. Through these years I transformed from introvert to extrovert. I realized and accepted how strong I am physically & mentally. I misled myself believing exactly the opposite and that is the greatest lie you can tell yourself. Don’t be your own enemy, you have enough others. Bullies are weak.
• Language. Even with simple words, you can counter bullying. Intelligence is a great asset to turn the tides for your justice. Nowadays cyber-bullying is a common thing as well. I developed my own kind of sarcasm that enables me to withstand and make fun out of these people’s ignorance. Keyboard black belts are not so tough when they face resistance! If happened in person say something shocking. For example, I quote Stephen Fry, a great British actor who once said to a bully: “WHOA, WHOA, WHOA don’t touch me I get erection…” Not a surprise the guy was shocked and ran off!
• Confidence. Always walk tall. Body language tells a lot about you. Since I walk straight and determined (not like a bulky, overconfident, bad-boy figure) I have much fewer eyes of bullies on me. I don’t feel like prey but neither a predator. Consider fixing your posture. Avoid looking like a victim, you’re not that. Be straight and tall!

I don’t mean to sound like a cheap commercial or shake-weighty but the simplest things can have a major impact on your judgment by others. If you have been bullied then stop a little, relax. Look around, know where you are and realize that you still stand your ground stable and strong! People are around you to help. Think about your family and friends!

My perspective of the main title “Bullying: is it a good thing?” is all about how you transform your negativity into positivity. I won’t lie, I still have fiery rage and fear in my heart, however, I’m not using it to hurt others just because I was hurt! I use it to fortify myself both physically & mentally.

• It gave me the strength of never giving up.
• It gave me the courage to protect my loved ones.
• It gave me a reason what to fight for.
• It helped me know my emotions deeper.
• It helped me to control rage and fear.
• It made me able to help and understand other people.

For instance, when I had my exam in Krav-maga which was extremely demanding and exhausting I was able to control these emotions to give me the power to endure this one and half hour intensity. I was able to take more punches and kicks to my body. I was able to continuously do an all-out-offensive assault on the punching bag for 3 minutes. In the end, I was close to crying, felt the pain and terrible exhaustion in my body but all of those vanished when I received the papers that I passed. I was very proud of myself! This is just one of the examples of how I was able to succeed and triumph over the obstacles!

Please don’t get me wrong. By all means, I don’t support or stand with bullying. I merely state the fact that you have the power to change even the worst things for your own good. Life is all about learning. We are not born knowing everything. You just have to believe and have the courage to ask help. Remember…

“There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting.”

I genuinely believe that if you hate or despise someone that means you’re connected to that person. You don’t talk or meet for years yet your thoughts are still focused on them because you feel better cheating on the past, creating alternative positive outcomes that only exist in your mind. Like it or not – and it’s not easy to say – you have to accept where you are now. Don’t look back, you’re not going that way! Turn your grief into strength and unlock your true potential. All of us have it!

I’m not even mad at those people who bullied me. You know why? Because my past made me stronger, but their past will haunt them like the shadow they cast…

I do hope you found enjoyment in my writing and perhaps made you aware of a (sadly) common subject that even maybe a relative of you went through. There is no greater joy when you help someone and that person says: thank you.

If you have anything to share, please, write it down in the comments section. I look forward to your story or opinion : )

 

Thanks for your attention! Gabriel out.

“Being spiritual doesn’t mean you are always positive. F*ck out of my face while I balance these energies”